It used to be that the Palm Pilot had the most downloadable apps.  Now, it’s different. Palm is dead and the iPhonereigns supreme. When it comes to applications, the iPhone has it all. Even the Windows Mobile phones can’t compete. Don’t believe me? Check out the Apple Store. Or Cydia. Or Installer

Want to control yourDVD? There’s an app for that. Want to find the nearest German bistro? There’s an app for that. Want to record your nosepicking  habits and post them on facebook? Yep, there’s an app for that, too. There’s even a shit program called Poop the World that pooped  its way into Apple’s iPhone App Store. For a dollar, the app combines the iPhone’s GPS power with your own notes to create a public diary of your private business. How sick is that??!

Insane? Def. Pointless? Of course. But delightful? For some sickos- yeah!. I hate to be a party pooper, but let’s face it: Shit apps are becoming commonplace on the iPhone. Wanna know which iphone apps really burp this month? Check it out!

1. FatBurner2k

You want to shed poounds without running the treadmill? Perhaps you want instant weightloss while stuffing that burger down your throat.  FatBurner2K is just the perfect  app for you–you just have to lack the brain neurons in order to believe it.

FatBurner 2K claims to “turn your iPhone into the gym that works on your terms.”  I guess what that means is that you can reach for your iphone while watching Fast Food Nation on TV with a tub of  popcorn by your side.  FatBurner’s power ingredient: The app makes your iPhone vibrate. Now you don’t have to spend $79 on Hydroxycut Hardcore (which was banned) anymore. So cool isn’t it?

2. Passion

There were a few apps that rated how well you can kiss. Then there were those that scored how good your farts blasted away. Now we have an app that checks out how masterful your coitus goes. So… pump away. Grind at your GF and await the score. You’ll know just how cool a lover you are. I don’t know how this works, but I’m guessing the accelerometer measures just how many times she vibrates in orgasm.

3. Sexy Girl Talk: Sexy Alphabet Deluxe

Some nerd guys just can’t get it off unless they hear some sexy whispers in their ear. For those with a fetish for vocal cords, this is the app for you. A sexy voice reads the alphabet to you in what appears to be a cross between Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie from a director’s nightmare of a movie.

If you’d ask me, I’d rather pay my girlfriend to whisper in my ear!

There are a lot more dumb iphone apps out there. I’d post them but you’d accuse me of insulting your intelligence.

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