Too much sex and violence on TV have increased the number of rapes these days. Not only do cute 13 year olds get molested, but so do 76 year old grannies. No joke. Just last week, I read of a grandma in Sudan getting it right up the arse after church. Now that’s unholy. May God burn your souls ye fiends!

Too bad she didn’t have Rapex though. That could have saved the day. There are alternative anti-rape devices like perfumes, lipsticks, chastity belts - but a new condom like device dubbed Rapex  might liberate the sexier sex in those tough situations. Here’s how it works.

The Rapex sports fish-like teeth that could mangle the head and the shaft of the penis. Imagine the agonizing pain Reggie-The-Rapist would feel when he tries to do Veronica. As he doubles over in agony, the assaulted women a can really whack him with her bag and bring back the police for more brutalization. Doncha just love truncheons?

Good news: Rapex will soon be patented. The anti-rape Rapex will be mass-produced in China next month to lower expenses. I just hope these things don’t spontaneously combust like the shirt I bought at Beijing